Picking Yourself Up After a Night That Took You Down

by Jaz James

Hey Love,

We all know that some nights just hit different. A slow shift. A rude comment. A rejection. A customer comparing you to someone else. Someone crossing a boundary. Drama in the dressing room. Something triggering. Or nothing specific at all: Just the weight of a night that didn’t feel good.

Hard nights can shake you. They can make you doubt yourself. They can make you wonder if you’re losing your spark, your edge, your confidence. But one night has no authority to tell you who you are. You’re allowed to have off nights. Slow nights. Frustrating nights. Nights that leave you overthinking. Nights that leave you tired in a way no one else understands. That doesn’t mean you’re less talented or less valuable. It just means you’re human.

Healing your confidence after a rough shift

Here's what that looks like:

Reminding yourself of all the nights you crushed it

Our brains are wired to magnify the bad moments and minimize the good ones, especially when emotions are high or you leave work feeling drained. Taking a minute to remember specific nights where you felt strong, capable, connected, or proud helps re-train your thinking. This isn’t pretending everything is perfect; it’s reminding your nervous system that tonight is one data point, not the whole story. Your confidence grows when you consistently tell yourself the truth about what you’ve already overcome and achieved.

Remembering your strength doesn’t come from money, it comes from resilience

Income goes up and down in this job, and tying your value to a dollar amount is a fast way to burn out. Real strength is the part of you that keeps showing up, navigating people’s moods, reading the room, adapting, and pushing through when life outside the club is already heavy. That grit is what carries you. The Bible describes this kind of inner strength as something deeper than circumstances; it’s more like a steady center you build over time.

Talking to someone who sees you, not just your stage persona

A hard night can make you feel invisible or misunderstood, especially when most of the attention you get is based on performance. Reaching out to someone who knows your real name, your real worries, and your real heart helps reset your sense of identity. Whether it's a friend, partner, mentor, or someone who listens without judging, connection pulls you out of isolation. Sharing what you feel, or even just being near someone safe, activates a part of your brain that calms stress and reminds you you’re more than a moment or a job.

Doing something grounding: A hot shower, music, fresh air, reflection, prayer, stretching, anything that brings you back to yourself

Grounding is simply anything that helps your mind reconnect with your body and your body reconnect with your peace. After a shift that felt chaotic, disappointing, or emotionally overstimulating, grounding signals your body that it’s safe to relax. A hot shower can release tension; music can regulate your mood; stepping outside can reset your senses. Reflection or prayer can help you sort through what’s yours to carry and what you can let go. Even a few minutes of deep breathing or stretching lowers stress hormones and reminds you that you’re still in control of your story.

Refusing to let one moment rewrite your self-worth

A rude customer, a slow night, a comment that hit the wrong nerve: Those moments can stick to you like glue. But they don’t define you unless you let them. Learning to pause, breathe, and challenge the harsh thoughts that rise up afterward is a form of emotional strength. One shift doesn’t erase your value, your beauty, your kindness, your purpose, or your future. And if you’re exploring faith, this is where it often becomes real: The belief that you were created with worth that can’t be taken away by anyone’s opinion or behavior.

You are more than the sum of your shifts. Hard nights come and go, but who you are: Your character, your courage, your heart…those are permanent. Confidence isn’t something you lose. It’s something you reconnect with. And it’s still there, even on the nights you feel a little bruised inside.

*****

Jaz James is the director of Strip Church and founder of Lace Warriors, a strip club ministry that serves over 200 entertainers in West Texas and Northern Mexico.