Loving Your Child Doesn't Mean Approving Her Choices

by Jaz James

Hey Friend,

One of the most painful dilemmas parents face when their child works in the adult entertainment industry is wondering how to stay in her life without seeming like you're okay with what she's doing.

Maybe you've had well-meaning church friends tell you that maintaining a relationship with her sends the wrong message. Perhaps you're worried that inviting her to family dinners or texting her regularly makes it seem like you approve of her profession. Maybe you're afraid that if you don't take a hard line, she'll never change.

So you're stuck in an impossible place. Your heart wants to reach for her, but your conscience says you shouldn't. You love your daughter, but you hate her choices. And you're not sure it's possible to do both.

But let me assure you, not only is it possible, it's essential. And more importantly, it's exactly what God does with each of us.

The False Choice

So, let's name the lie you've been told. You must choose between your relationship with your daughter and your convictions about right and wrong. And that accepting her as a person means approving everything she does. That love equals endorsement.

This is a false choice. It's not biblical, it's not healthy, and it's not how any meaningful relationship works. Think about your own life.

Has God withdrawn His love from you every time you've made a choice He didn't approve of?

Has He cut you off during your seasons of rebellion, doubt, or poor judgment? Has He withheld His presence until you got your act together? Of course not.

Romans 5:8 tells us, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Not after we cleaned up. Not once have we proved ourselves worthy. While we were still in our mess.

God's love for you has never been contingent on your perfection. Your love for your child shouldn't be either.

What Acceptance Really Means

Accepting your child means recognizing her full humanity, not reducing her to the single thing she does for income. It means seeing her as a complete person: Someone with a history, with wounds and dreams, with strengths and struggles, with inherent dignity.

Acceptance says, "You are my child, and nothing will change that. You matter to me regardless of your job. I see you as more than what you do."

You can wholeheartedly accept your daughter as a beloved child of God while simultaneously wishing she'd chosen a different path. These two truths can coexist.

What Approval Really Means

Approval means endorsement. It means you think something is good, right, or beneficial. And you don't have to pretend you feel that way about your daughter's profession.

You can be honest about your concerns. You can express that you wish things were different. You can pray openly for other opportunities to come her way. You can grieve the path she's on.

But the critical distinction is that while you disapprove of her choices, you do so without rejecting her as a person. You can have concerns about her profession without withdrawing your love. You can hope for something different for her future without making your present relationship conditional on her changing.

Jesus modeled this constantly. He ate with tax collectors without endorsing their exploitation of their own people. He showed compassion to the woman caught in adultery while also saying, "Go and sin no more." He loved Zacchaeus before the transformation, not after.

His love created the space for change. It didn't demand change as the price of admission.

The Fear of Enabling

You might be thinking, "But if I don't take a stand, won't I just be enabling her? Won't she think I'm okay with this?"

What you need to understand is that your child already knows how you feel. She knows you don't approve. She doesn't need you to cut her off to figure that out.

What she might not know, and what she desperately needs to know, is that your love for her is stronger than your disappointment in her choices. That she's not defined by her worst decisions. That there's a place at the table for her, always.

Enabling is when you participate in destructive behavior or shield someone from the natural consequences of their actions. Enabling is giving her money for drugs, lying to cover for her, or pretending nothing's wrong when everything is falling apart.

Loving her, talking to her, inviting her to your home, asking about her life, is not enabling. That's being a parent. That's being the kind of person Jesus calls us to be.

What Your Presence Communicates

When you stay in relationship with your child, despite disagreeing with her profession, here's what you communicate:

You are more than your job. In an industry that commodifies women, your presence reminds her that her value isn't tied to what she does for money. She's worthy of love just because she's your daughter.

You have a place to belong. Many women in the industry feel isolated from family, church, and community. Your home becomes a haven, a place where she can be herself, where she's known and loved.

Change is possible without shame. If she ever wants to leave the industry, will she feel safe coming to you? Or will she fear judgment, lectures, and "I told you so"? Your non-judgmental presence now builds trust for whatever comes next.

This isn't the end of your story. Your continued relationship sends a message of hope, confirming that no matter what's happened, there's still a future. She's not beyond redemption. The best chapters might still be unwritten.

God's love is real. For many women in the adult entertainment industry, church has been a place of rejection. Your faithful presence becomes a tangible expression of a God who doesn't give up on His children. You might be the only Jesus she sees.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Accepting your daughter and staying in relationship doesn't mean you can't have boundaries. Healthy boundaries aren't about punishment, they’re about protecting your own wellbeing while maintaining connection.

You can say, ”I want to be in your life, and I also need to be honest that certain conversations are hard for me. Can we focus on other parts of your life when we talk?"

You can say, "I'd love to have you over for dinner, and I'd prefer if we didn't discuss work details that make me uncomfortable."

Boundaries allow you to stay engaged without compromising your own emotional or spiritual health. They create a sustainable connection rather than forcing you into an all-or-nothing choice.

The Power of Faithful Presence

Years from now, if your child's life looks completely different, what will have mattered most? It won't be the lecture you gave or the tough love you showed. It will be the fact that you never left.

It will be the Sunday dinners she was always invited to. The birthday cards that arrived every year. The phone calls just to say "I was thinking about you." The times you listened without an agenda. The consistent message that no matter what, she was loved.

Your faithful presence doesn't guarantee a specific outcome. Your daughter is an adult with free will, and you can't control her choices. But what you can control is whether you'll be there, whether you'll be a voice of unconditional love in a world that has probably told her she's only valuable for what she can offer.

Speaking Truth in Love

Staying connected doesn't mean you can never express your heart. There may be moments when it's appropriate to gently share your concerns, your hopes, your faith. But truth without relationship is just noise. If she doesn't trust that you love her unconditionally, she won't hear anything else you have to say. Relationship creates the credibility to speak truth. Judgment destroys it.

And remember, your child is hearing voices all day long, voices from customers, managers, other dancers, and social media. Your voice should be the one that reminds her who she really is, not the one that echoes everyone else's condemnation.

Trust the Process

God is already at work in your daughter's life. He was there before you knew about her profession. He's there now, and He'll be there in whatever comes next. Your job isn't to be her savior. Christ already filled that role. Your job is to be her parent. Your job is to love faithfully and to trust God with the outcome.

Transformation rarely happens on our timeline. It's almost never a straight line. But when we look at how God works throughout Scripture, we see the same pattern: He pursues relentlessly, He loves extravagantly, and He makes beauty from ashes in ways we never could have orchestrated.

Your steady, patient, unconditional love is part of how God is pursuing your daughter right now. Don't underestimate the power of simply staying.

A Word of Encouragement

You're navigating one of the hardest challenges a parent can face, and you're doing it with courage and love. The fact that you're wrestling with how to love your daughter well, rather than just writing her off, speaks volumes about your character and your faith.

You're allowed to grieve. You're allowed to wish things were different. You're allowed to feel conflicted and confused. But please don't let those feelings convince you that distance is the answer.

Your daughter needs you. She might not say it. She might even push you away. But she needs a parent who sees her as more than her mistakes, who believes in her future, who loves without conditions.

Be that parent. Not because it will definitely change her, but because it's the right thing to do. Because it's what Jesus would do. Because love is always worth it, even when it's hard.

*****

Jaz James is the director of Strip Church and founder of Lace Warriors, a strip club ministry that serves entertainers in West Texas and Northern Mexico.